Virginity Game

Leisure Suite Larry - the first game - is the only computer game I’ve ever played. I thought a game about losing your - or, it seems, her - virginity might be amusing. But …

Kelley began by explaining that her game would commence with the player having to pick an outfit for a date that was intended to conclude with their deflowering. It would have to be the least complicated outfit possible, she said, nothing with zippers that get stuck, or too many buttons or ties.

I’m sure women are glad selecting garb for a date isn’t quite that complicated in real life.

Then, there would be a mini game in which players would have to shave their legs, making especially sure not to miss the all-important spot “by the knees.” Next up, dinner, and making sure to remove all the garlic from the meals, something the main character—clearly a female, since the game was presented from a woman’s perspective—would have to do because of the general cluelessness of the boyfriend in question.

Sigh, what sexist complications.

The next mini game would revolve around choosing the proper mood music from a selection of LPs—yes, records, since the game would be set in the timeframe of Kelley’s first time. And clearly, she said, Miles Davis would have to be the choice.

Miles Davis?

The penultimate mini game would task the player with “not falling off the top bunk” in a college dorm room,” while the final task would involve flicking off the smirking roommate.

Ah, this really sounds pretty dull.

Designing a game about your ‘first time’